Zelda Epic
by hall-wolf
Summary: Just what it sounds like! An epic Legend of Zelda story that I make up as I go along! I6t doesn't have a distinct plotline really. Review if you want to, I guess.
1. Intro

I do not own any of these characters

Link is the property of Nintendo and Captain Marvel is the property of DC Comics.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once upon a time in a far away place there was nothing of any intrest about. There was only a vast unending field of

empty boring whiteness. In the story world this is what w?à° feet planted firmly on a ground, that technically

speaking, isn't really there! Link stands about and blinks a little. Finding nothing interesting to look at or slay Link

begins to tap his foot irritabily after being conjured into existence with no particular purpose. The author is a curtious

man so he brings a comfortable arm chair into existence for his guest to sit on. Our main character by default is

immensely cheered and sits down immediately giving the empty nothingness a big thumbs up for being so polite. Suddenly off

in the distance a door appears and lets out a deafening

-DOOOOOR!- before falling silent.Link observes the new furnishment to his bland surroundings with some mild intreset, but

in truth he is far more concerned with the warm snug feelings his well padded armchair is spreading through his back and

buttocks. He breifly wishes that this chair had a massager. Link couldn't help but feel a tad disappointed when nothing

happened. He has just discovered that main characters are not able to subject the author's mind to their wishes.

"Dang." he mutters.

Then the door swung open in an extremely dramatic fashion and out lept Captian Marvel! The World's Mightiest Mortal stood

there in the patented dramatic DC superhero pose, with mighty hands planted firmly on his waist and a square chin pointed

upwards, surveying all about him with dramatically squinty eyes. Now most people know what Link looks like but you might

not know what Captain Marvel looks like( if this is the case then you should be deeply, deeply ashamed of yourself you

uncultured swine). He is pretty much Superman, without the long lick of hair in front that Big Blue has. His costume is

blindingly scarlet and he wears a gold sash about the waist. Add a golden thunderbolt on his chest and a short white cape

and you've got the evil bashing, lightning shooting, shazam spewing Captai Marvel! Great huh? Now that we have two

characters occupying the same space at the same time the author shall now demonstrate what is perhaps one of the finest

literary arts known to man. The art of conversation.

"Good Morning little elf-like citizien." Captain Marvel proclaimed, energetically thrusting a hand out in greetings to

Link, arched an eyebrow at his unexpected visitor.

"Hi there.. uh...umm?" Link responded as he proffered his own arm, at a loss for our new favorite hero's name.

"Captain Marvel." Captain Marvel proclaimed. The Soldier of Shazam plastered on his eerily cheerful grin and seized Link's

proffered hand in his with the Strength of Hercules. It gave off a sickeningly audible craking noise.

" HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF...AHHHHH!" Cap shook Link's hand vigourously before letting go and giving him a pat on the back

that sent him face first onto the ground, wich was surprisingly solid despite not actually being in existance. Finding his

conversation finished good old Marvel returned to his original pose and became the most garishly colored statue in the

world.

"Ow!" Link grunted as he lifted, or more appropiratly unplastered, himself from the floor. "Everything hurts. I think he

broke something I didn't even know I had." He limped back to the recliner, staying an arms length from the stone still

Marvel as he did. As recompense for his pain filled demonstration Link is rewarded with a crystal clear(despite cream soda

being a tad bit more amber in color than crystal) cream soda and an excellent cup holder installed on his armchair. The

Hylian is immensely pleased, I know I would be. Easing himself further into the chair's cushy warmness Link sighs

contentedly. He feels that nothing in the world could possibly go wrong. And the exact second he completes that thought

Link comes to realize that something extremely wrong is about to happen. Under his chair the white "floor" opens up into a

deep black hole.

"No..." Link moans as the hole produces a sound not unlike a flushing toilet and the air begins to whush past him. With a sudden jerk the

chair flies through the air and disappears into the hole, dragging a hapless Link into the author's new story.


	2. Hyrule Soil

It's another bright, clear day in Hyrule. The sun is shining in the air, casting golden waves upon Hyrule Castle's

alabaster walls and white stone towers.The castle moat is as blue as the sky and the wide green fields are buzzing with

happy little critters and those irritatingly cheery early morning joggers, who criscrossed the open plains in their skin

tight spandex. Don't you hate those guys who get up at five in the morning just to run around and wave and smile with as

much enthusiasm as someone who woke up at nine thirty after having coffee injected directly into their bloodstream? Did I

mention how clear blue the sky was? I just asked because all of a sudden it's not quite so perfectly azure, a single black

hole has opened up far above the ground. I wonder what it is? And what's that little screaming green thing it's spitting

out? Why it's Hyrule's resident champion, Link! But what is he doing nearly two hundred feet above the ground?

Immediate memory faded as Link was tossed from a world of white, through a world of black, to a world of blue with a

quickly approaching horizon of green. His blonde hair whipped about his head and to his utter dismay the long green cap he

loved so much was whisked off his head by the malicous wind. His outcry was drowned by the roaring in his ear.

"How long have I been flying?" he mused to himself after awhile. "You know, when the surprise of being hurled from one

dimension to another wares off it's actuall pretty exhilhirating."

He began to smile as he stared at the bright green horizon. "I've never flown through a horizon before! This'll be fun!"

Meanwhile the horizon had neared. When it began to encompass his entire vision, Link swung out his hands and grinned

doofly. Either the thin air had addled his brains or the sudden shock of recent events had screwed him up be cause as the

horizon came seconds away from his face he happily crowed "I love green things!" and attempted to hug the horizon.

-SMACK!-

To Link's mind the world suddenly seemed to right itself in a tremendously painful fashion. "Unnnggh." he moaned," now I

remember..sort of. At least the world isn't white anymore, but Hyrule's ground is even more painful than that other

places." As the little dots finally connected in amidst his hazy brain functions Link suddenly sprang to a sitting

position. His back was quite vocal in it's complaints."PAAIIIN!" it cried,"Oh, the PaIN!" but Link hushed his aching body

firmly," Silence back! Don't you realize that were back in Hyrule!" HJis body did not answer and he excused the transaction

as a result of his two hundred foot face plant.

"Finally my beloved home, all seven color spectrum's of it! Thank God...gods...Godess'ses?" he sighed with contentment

and layed back down to rest in the grass. He closed his eye's against the gleaming golden sun and reminisced about his out

of this world transaction, perhaps he had eaten some infamous Lost Woods mushrooms or something because he couldn't

remember a thing that happened since he winked into a monochromatic existence. He knew his name was Link and all the

general backround info anyone who played The Legend of Zelda Orcania of Time would know, but he couldn't conjure up a

singule memory from say, last week or the day before yesterday. "Probably another head wound side effect." he muttered.

He felt the sun's warmth leave his skin as a cloud or bird passed by. There was a door, and a guy with a thunderbolt on

his chest. And cream soda too. It must of been those mushrooms. But that was one comfortable chair!" it was still cold. He

opened his eyes to see when that stupid cloud was going to pass and let the sun warm him up again.

Link eye's opened wide and once again a mighty -SMACK!- rang throughout Hyrule Field as a large comfy arm chair fell on

him from almost two hundred feet above the ground, equipped with a cup holder.

Now we don't need to go into Link's suffering once again so let us simply say that our green clothed defender spent the

better part of the day sitting his length across the grassy ground. By the time he finally came to his senses the sun was

disappearing over the ridge of Death Mountain, sending sullen red lights sliding against the sky.

"Ugggh...This stopped being funny a long time ago. I need to find some cover." he said to himself as he messaged his sore

skull. But something bright caught his eyes and Link warily leaned down to inspect it. It was so obscured by the long

green grass that he could only see the section that was gleaming with the sun. Link turned around and glared up at the sky.

"Now Listen here. I'm a friend of the godesses so you better watch yourself sky, if one more thing falls from up there so

help me I'll come up there knock you straight back to dawn!" nodding his head in emphasis Link hastily swept up the empty

cream soda glass, for so it was. But inside, instead of that rich, creamy beverage of The Lord himself there was only a

rolled up slip of paper. With nervous hands Link slipped his fingers and pulled the paper out. He opened it but, expecting

some kind of trap Link's eyes clamped shut of there own accord and he was forced to stand shivering in the cold until they

regained their courage and opened up. Printed on the small white paper was an even smaller arrow, pointing forward. Looking

up the arrow lined exactly with the stairs to Kakiriko Village. "I'm supposed to go to Kakariko?" the confused Hylian

muttered to himself,"What for? Well too bad! This must be some kind of trap!" he declared at the sky, shaking his fist,"

The minute I touch those stairs, somethings going to fall on me. I'd sooner be crushed by a giant stone than go where you

and your stupid arrow tell me to!" Link's weapons clanked as he swung around, intending to stomp off in the opposite

direction.

-Thuddd!- and a giant square block of stone crashed down from the sky, less than two inches from his outstretched foot.

Frozen in his tracks Link stared dumbstruck at the very large arrow sign chiseled onto the rocks surface"...Kakariko

sounds great. Really nice place.But..."

-Thuddd!- and another block landed one inch closer. "...I'm going! I'm going!."


	3. Rightous Distraction

After the prompting of a falling armchair, a piece of paper, and two very heavy rocks Link is finally on his way to helping this story develope some vague semblances

of a plot( yes, despite evidance to the contrary this story does have a plot..sort of. It's a work in progress). Still reluctant to be pushed about by boulders Link

decides to be a little pain in the universe's backside to get existence back for all the pains it's given him, not the least of wich is when it dropped a peice of furniture

on him.

"I don't care how comfortable you make your chairs," Link muttered as he very slowly dragged his feet through the grasses of Hyrule Field," they are not meant to

be dropped on peoples heads!' This last vehement statement was directed back up at the sky, wich by now had gone black with the sun's passing. " You hear me up

there! I could have died! Then where would your stupid cosmic plan be, huh! The night sky only responded by casting a large square, boulder shaped shadow

over Link's green hatted head. Glaring sullenly he very deliberetly stuck one foot out ahead of him. The shadow thickened and Link took one very slow step. The

spot cleared the second his foot left the ground. So the forest-dwelling fighter kept a snails pace towards Kakariko VIllage, the threat of boulder related injuries

enough to keep him from being too obstinant. Perhaps if God had been a little less kind and just dropped boulders on sinners the world wouldn't be such a sucky

place. But let's not blame God for our problems and continue the story.

Now common sense dictates that most people reading a Legend of Zelda related fanfiction would be well aquianted with the scenery of Kakiriko, but I don't get to

practice this kind of thing very often so the village is about to be described to you, wether you like it or not! The former Sheikah Village is nestled quite comfortably

into a large niche in the collosal Death Mountain's surface. Surrounded on all sides by sheer rock, the village has one entrance, a set of carved stone stairs with a

wooden gate barring the length of the pass stationed on top. Inside the gates, the little town is quite quaint, with wooden houses and vivid green turf covering the

well trod pathways. The settlers took advantage of the valleys rocky formation, and built the town ascending upwards in three levels, with small chiseled stairways

going from shelf to shelf. On the base level the town "center" is set up, with fine green grass and a single, mighty tree standing up from the center, acting as a sort of

greeter. This is the last tree anyone who intends to climb Death Mountain will see for a long time. A staircase off to the left leads to the third level, while another

straight behind the tree rises to a flattened plaza centered around the village's single water supply, a deep well of cold gray stone.

Link lets a deep sigh of contentment escape his lips as his boots rang out against the broad steps carved into the mountain face. He felt as much freedom as he

could feel when inbetween two walls of sheer rock, just an arms length away. He felt better here than in the wide expanses of Hyrule Field. Now if only he could

shake off the paranoid assuarance that something was going to drop down on his golden haired head the Hylian could really relax. At the top of the stairs he stepped

onto the neat green grass, waving to the two Hylian soldier stationed at the rough front gate, who waved back cheerily.

"Good Morning, Sir." The one to the left said with a smile." It's good to see you in Kakiriko again."

"It's good to be back, soldier." Link returned. He took a moment to refresh himself of both soldiers familiar armaments. Like most sentinels these were two men of

low standing distinguished by there rough speech and plain armour. They both wore suits of linked chainmail, covered by polished steel breastplates that had been

adorned with Hyrule's extravagant symbol. They wore guantlets on their arms and bracers on their legs, topping it off with visored metal helms atop their heads. The

helmets covered the top of the head as well as the ears but jutted back behind the neck like some cockamany rooster crown. The visors cast both the guards eyes

into shadow wich, combined with the likeness of their armour, made it nearly impossible to tell one guard from the other.

"So tell me..." Link asked,"how has the king been doing?"

"Oh, quite well. He's..." answered the guard on the left.

"...Been resting up at the castle. You know how..." The guard on the right picked up

"..The King loves his rest." they both chuckled, then both soldiers leaned back on their spears, lounging in the exact same posture. Link eyed them quizzically. This was a little creepy.

" Well I suppose I shouldn't keep you from your work there men." he replied shakily and stepped through the portal. Two steel covered hands grabbed his

shoulder. Link shuddered.

"(right) I almost forgot. Anju's..."

"(left)...Been looking for you. Needs some kind of..."

"(right)..Help with her chores if I...:

"(left)... know her. Can't do a thing for herself but she sure is..."

"(right) ...one fine woman." They nodded heads at one another, then turned to Link. He couldn't see their eyes under the shadows but he was sure they had both just

winked at him.

"Fine whatever, just get off me!" He yelled as he shook them off." I don't want to be part of your crazy mind meld!"

"Why not Link...?"

"It's really kind of fun." they reached out at him.

"AAAHHHH!" Link fled screaming(obviously)

Though he was quite unaware of it, the two creepy guardsmen were not the only ones watching Link flight from the gate. Sitting placidy on a green patch next to

Kakariko's watch tower was a woman robed all in gray, with a gray hood pulled over her head that shadowed almost all of her face. With most villagers in bed at

this hour her odd garb didn't cause too much comment. Lots of weirdo's came out at night. The watch tower itself was placed on the second level, just above the

stair case, a tall structure of wooden planks that reached straight up almost to the height of the town's windmill placed on the third level. It's exact purpose was a

mystery, the tower being too small to spot far away enemies and not at all sound enough to be a defensive position.

"Hehehehe...look at him run!" the robed woman giggled, swinging her legs back and forth over the second floor ledge in a manner quite contrary to her stern

garment. "He said those guards would get the green guy moving quick and there he goes." she put a hand to her mouth and giggled again. Dropping down the ledge

with ease she took the instructions out of a pocket and read them over. Inside her head the mystery woman wonders what her boss wanted the point ear for in his

big plans but she knew that this was going to be fun so she went along without question. She stuck the card back into her robe and rehearsed,"1. Summon Link.

2.Give him orders. 3.Give him note. 4.Remain mysterious at all times." By now Link had sped past the green and was catching his breath by the well, leaning against

the wood frame till he nearly fell in.

The gray woman pulled her robes close and suddenly froze her face and posture into a mysterious/menacing appearnace, almost gliding toward the winded

warrior." Link!" she called to him," my master sends you greeting...!"

"Oh Link! Finally your here!" cried a higher pitched voice from much closer. Link, ignoring his first guest who was barely past the tree, turned around to find a

peasant girl behind him.

"...No, hey you! Point ear, over here!" yelled the mystery woman. Throwing away her mysterious appeance she hicked up her robes skirts and ran towards the

stairs."Hey! Pay attention!" Her protests went unheard as the peasant girl grabbed Link and, chattering off like a caffeine crazed squirrel whisked him away.

"Dangit all!" screamed mystery woman as she reached the well where Link's dust was just beggining to settle caught up in extreme irritation,"He's gone! The boss

won't like this!" She stombed her foot on the green and looked near five seconds away from a tantrum," If I screw this up the blonde's never going to let me live it

down.!"

Back a few seconds Link, skill hyperventilating by the well could swear a cold, creepy, somewhat female voice had reached his sharp tipped ears. He pushed

himself off the well with one hand and half turned to see if he had been mysteriously summoned or something.

"Oh Link!" a high pitched exclamation brought Link's half turn to a halt mid spin and he spun back on instinct, trying to register the awful voice.

"click" said Link's brain to itself as it jogged up his memory,handing him a picture of the voices owner. Groaning Link shut his eyes and dearly wished he could have

his spin back.

"Finally your here!" the squeel forced his eyes open and Link knew he was right.

"Hi Anju."he said in a voice of purest sorrow,"Fancy seeing you here.". A woman a few years older and a few inches shorter than Link himself was before him.

Dressed in a red peasants blouse and plain blue dress Anju was a pretty young woman with a cheerful face framed by dark crimson hair streaked through with

black( has anyone else noticed Anju's unusual hair color?).

By now a girl as pretty as her would have grabbed a husband except that one, her family was a social workers nightmare with a depressed slacker brother who went

to the Lost Woods to gather "mushrooms", a short fused carpenter for a father, and a canktankerous mother who brewed potions. Two, she chattered constantly at

a speed that could bewilder a squirrel and a pitch that could deafen a bat. And three, she was constantly ducking off her work to play with her precious Cukoos, leaving some schmuck to do her chores for her. This meant that pretty soon people made themselves scarce whenever Anju was on the prowl for someone to catch

her cuckoos or clean her house.

The carpenters daughter instantly latched herself to Link's forearm making him shudder again.

"Link I have not seen you in sooo long? Where have you been keeping yourself all this time?" Anju queried in her perky tone of voice as she smiled up at Link

warmly.

"Oh, here and there," Link answered in a strained voice, trying not to look int her eyes," Listen Anj, I've really got to go somewhere and I don't have time to talk."he

yanked his arm experementally but found that Anju's slight frame had a grip like iron. Groaning loudly he listened as Anju plowed right along in her dialouge. Giving

up he met her eyes and instantly got sucked in. Her smiling face and big vacant blue eyes staring off in his general direction made the heart in his green clothed chest

ping and his inner hero won out.

"Fine Anju!" he shouted grudginly, with enough force to break her high paced soliliqy," I'll go and clean your house, or wash your dishes or feed your cukoos, or

wathever it is you want from me now. Just try not to ask me again alright?"

"Really!" she cried in surprise blinking stupidly at the poor sap she had roped in,

"Yes."

"Well..." she said to herself, putting a finger to her chin and raising her placid blue orbs to the sky,"I was just coming over to say hello but now that you mention it I do have some work around the house." Anju broke out into a wide grin and hugged Link." Your the best friend ever!"

"Yeah." he said wearily as Anju gripped his arm and draged him off up the stairs to her house.


End file.
